Relationships

Test can help improve your relationships

What do you think of when you think of Valentines Day — loving couples, total bliss and cute little naked cupids dancing around, aiming their arrows at unsuspecting future lovers? Wouldnt it be wonderful if all relationships started out that way and stayed that way?

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Thursday, February 10th, 2011 Relationships Comments Off

Is the Internet detrimental to human relationships?

By Antonia Zerbisias
Feature Writer

It would be unfair to distill Sherry Turkle’s important new book, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, down to whether our almost obsessive Internet, social media and smartphone use is detrimental to human relationships.

Unfair, but not entirely uncalled for.

Turkle, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology-based psychologist essentially posits that, while we may count thousands of “friends” or “followers” on Facebook and Twitter, while we may interact via virtual reality games, while we may text each other dozens of times a day, we are not as connected as we seem to be.

But like it or not, the tech is here to stay.

And, despite Turkle’s research, including 450 interviews, that’s not always a bad thing.

Last week, the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project reported that “75 per cent of all American adults are active in some kind of voluntary group or organization — and Internet users are more likely than others to be active.”

In fact, 80 per cent of Internet users participate in groups, compared with 56 per cent of non-users.

“Moreover, social media users are even more likely to be active: 82 per cent of social network users and 85 per cent of Twitter users are group participants,” the Pew Center found.

RELATED: Are we hard-wired to continuously connect?

So, are social media and e-communication allowing us to avoid face-to-face contact? Or are they a boon to people who seek like-minded individuals or lasting friends? Do they offer solace to those who are isolated by distance or mobility problems? Do they enlighten those who wish to discover new things via people with similar interests?

This writer undertook a little Facebook survey — totally unscientific, of course — which suggested that e-connection is essential, provided one knows when to unplug, and that being wired is a good thing. Here’s some of the replies:

“It can be incredibly distracting, but I have on occasion — ahem — been known to distract myself looong before Facebook came along,” wrote Toronto writer and activist Nick Van der Graf. “I’ve found a pretty good community of interesting friends and fellow activists here, and I can definitely say that Facebook has helped further my own activism. And yes, I’ve reconnected with old friends too.”

“I am interested in what other people think, and how I may be changed by the experience,” peace activist Jane Orion Smith replied. “How do I grow without the benefit of other points of view; we all have different ways of seeing.

“As for social media — more particularly Facebook — it’s been a wonderful addition to my life. Meeting new people, following what is going on with friends and family here and around the globe, reconnecting with people long-lost but still in my heart.

“I do think technology can take us over, that we can get ‘addicted,’ or at least compulsive about it. I try to have ‘Sabbath days’ from technology — meaning my computer, really. At Christmas, when I usually take two to three weeks off, off goes the computer and I absolutely do not check my work email. If it’s really a serious emergency, people can call me. Remember that, the land-line phone? Well, it still works. ;-)

Liz McLean posted: “Where else but social media would someone like me find the following (Tweet) from a guy in Egypt?

” ‘@Ghonim Wael Ghonim: A government that is scared from #Facebook and #Twitter should govern a city in (popular Facebook game) Farmville but not a country like #Egypt.’ “

Toronto hairstylist Gary Chowen insists people have the power to control their usage.

“Example: I only allow people I know to become friends,” he commented. “I know people who have the limit 5,000 friends! You may as well collect bottle caps! It’s a game to some.”

And then there was this, from Toronto journalist Kate Taylor: “I was just in a session where a wonderful new app was described: wave your phone at someone and it will identify them based on photos in which they are tagged. Ummm . . . couldn’t you just ask them who they are?”

“I wasn’t ‘plugged in’ until after the G20,” noted Sherry B. Good, an “ordinary citizen” who got caught up in the infamous police “kettling” incident at Queen and Spadina. “I have found it extremely useful and educational. Wouldn’t unplug for anything, but then again I’m not writing ‘Going into the shower’ or ‘Shopping at Birks’ — and neither are my ‘Friends.’ “

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Tuesday, February 8th, 2011 Relationships Comments Off

Connecting the career dots: Internships, other programs help build useful …

Experiential learning – out-of-the-classroom opportunities where students can apply classroom learning – is a great way to introduce local students to what our community has to offer.

Each year, MSU hires more than 11,000 students to help run the vast network of jobs required to operate one of the largest universities in the country. We hire students to do everything from working on farms and cooking meals to working in research labs and stacking library shelves. And its reasonable to assume that more than 11,000 students are also hired by the local businesses in East Lansing, Lansing, Okemos and beyond.

Those of us who supervise college student workers represent an important first handshake between the Capital-area community and these young new neighbors. As an employer of MSU students, I take seriously my responsibility to create a good impression about the people of our town.

The learning experience for the front desk students at Career Services includes more than customer service and database management skills. My hope is that my young employees will also learn about the creativity, humor and diversity of the seasoned full-time residents in my East Lansing neighborhood. I like to think that my water cooler stories about partying at the Old Town Blues Fest and my funny waitress at Claras help add color to the rich picture of life in Greater Lansing.

MSU also employs hundreds of interns each year, providing out-of-classroom learning experiences that are directly connected to a students career interests. We hire interns to work in departments ranging from WKAR-Radio and the Wharton Center to Campus Sustainability and the Cyclotron Lab. And there are even more internship relationships connecting off-campus employers with MSU students. The MSU job posting website www.MySpartan Career.com shows 84 internship postings within 10 miles of campus – with 60 internships coming from off-campus employers.

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Saturday, February 5th, 2011 Relationships Comments Off

Combs blames work for failed relationships

Singer Sean Combs has blamed his hectic work schedule and tempting showbiz lifestyle for ruining his relationships.

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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011 Relationships Comments Off

David Hegg: Communication the key to healthy relationships

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David Hegg: Communication the key to healthy relationshipsEthically Speaking

By David Hegg
January 30, 2011

\x3Cp\x3EOver my years counseling families, and especially married couples, I have found that most problems can be traced back to the area of expectations. And I\x26rsquo\x3Bve boiled it down to this: unexpressed expectations are hardly ever met, and unmet expectations are hardly ever forgotten.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EExpectations. We all have them, and we have them in almost every area of life. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EWe walk into restaurants and shops with certain expectations of their products, service and staff.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EWe get into our cars with rock\x2Dsolid expectations for our trip and especially for the attitudes and actions of the other drivers we\x26rsquo\x3Bll encounter.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EWe have a whole list of expectations for our employer or employees, our neighbors, our friends and our governing officials.\x3Cbr /\x3EI could go on and on to list the myriad areas where we have carefully crafted expectations but defining the areas isn\x26rsquo\x3Bt my goal. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EMy goal is to look specifically at the role expectations play in our interpersonal relationships. And I\x26rsquo\x3Bll limit it to our relationships with our spouses, our kids and our workplace partners. These are the arenas where unmet expectations can cause the most harm in us all.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EHave you ever found yourself sideways with someone you were close to, and couldn\x26rsquo\x3Bt for the life of you understand why? \x3Cbr /\x3EIt might have gone like this: For reasons unknown to you, there seems to be a cold war brewing between you. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EConversation has stopped, the nonverbals are like darts, and you\x26rsquo\x3Bre the bull\x26rsquo\x3Bs\x2Deye. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EWhen you\x26rsquo\x3Bve had enough, you dare to confront, only to be told some variant of \x26ldquo\x3BIf you don\x26rsquo\x3Bt know, I\x26rsquo\x3Bm sure not going to tell you!\x26rdquo\x3B You persist in trying to figure out what\x26rsquo\x3Bs wrong only to find \x26mdash\x3B finally \x26mdash\x3B that you failed to meet the other person\x26rsquo\x3Bs expectation.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EIt doesn\x26rsquo\x3Bt matter just what it is. You just didn\x26rsquo\x3Bt live up to an expected standard. And the situation only gets worse when, in response to your naive declaration that you didn\x26rsquo\x3Bt know, the anger rocket\x26rsquo\x3Bs second stage ignites amid a flurry of \x26ldquo\x3BI can\x26rsquo\x3Bt believe you could be so insensitive to my needs\x26rdquo\x3B or something like that. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3ENow you\x26rsquo\x3Bre mad, and the other person is madder still, and the situation heads downhill from there. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EHere\x26rsquo\x3Bs the problem: While we all have expectations \x26mdash\x3B and let\x26rsquo\x3Bs face it, we have way more than we admit or even realize \x26mdash\x3B the vast majority of them never leave the comfortable security of our own minds. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EPeople who are always expressing their expectations are labeled needy or worse, so we learn early on to keep our wants and expectations of others\x26rsquo\x3B behavior to ourselves.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EBut that doesn\x26rsquo\x3Bt stop us from feeling hurt, mad or both when our private set of rules and regulations for life are broken by those around us.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EIf unexpressed expectations are hardly every met, and unmet expectations are hardly ever forgotten, then the solution is right in front of us. We need to be more communicative to those we love and live with, while at the same time recognizing that expressed expectations invite others to engage in a process that will, hopefully, produce the best, mutually agreed upon expectation for all. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EBut there is one more side to the story. Certainly, increased communication between spouses, friends and co\x2Dworkers can reduce the carnage of unmet expectations to a degree, but what is needed additionally is a strong ethic of patience and trust.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EPatience is the willingness to wait before jumping to the most negative conclusion, while trust takes over and chooses to think the best rather than the worst until objective evidence to the contrary is clear and incontrovertible.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EIn good relationships, communication takes care of most of the problems, while patience and trust deal decisively with the rest. The partnership between skilled behavior (communication) and strong values (patience and trust) is absolutely necessary for strong, productive interpersonal relationships. \x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EIt is time we start putting some greater expectations on our own area of expectations. It is time we choose to communicate clearly while growing in patience and trust just in case those around us don\x26rsquo\x3Bt. I think that is what those around us are expecting, even if they don\x26rsquo\x3Bt say so.\x3Cbr /\x3E\x3Cem\x3E\x3Cbr /\x3EDavid Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church and a Santa Clarita resident. His column reflects his own views and not necessarily those of The Signal.\x3C/em\x3E\x3C/p\x3E

http://www.the-signal.com/section/33/article/39833/
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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011 Relationships Comments Off

A guide to better relationships

You must have seen people adopting Feng Shui for happiness. But did you know that Feng Shui can also help you improve your relationships with others? According to the science, the secret of great relationships lies in the far right or the southwest corner of your room. Incorporating a few

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Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 Relationships Comments Off

USOC chairman: US cities interested in 2022 Games

Larry Probst made his comments Monday to The Associated Press at the Asian Games, where he met with Asian Olympic committee officials as part of a new outreach effort after Chicago lost in the first round of voting for the 2016 Summer Games last October.

Probst declined to identify the cities, but said the USOC is far from ready to put together another bid because it needs to first improve its presence internationally and resolve differences with the IOC over revenue sharing.

We have to build more, better and stronger relationships with people within the Olympic movement before it would be realistic for us to bid again, Probst said, adding that he doesnt have a timetable for a new US bid.

The 2022 Games will be awarded by the International Olympic Committee in 2015. The host city for the 2018 Winter Olympics, which has three bidding cities lt;emdash /gt; Annecy, France; Munich, Germany; and Pyeongchang, South Korea lt;emdash /gt; will be announced next July.

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Sunday, November 28th, 2010 Relationships Comments Off

Doctor-drug company database adds to confusion for consumers

McClatchy-Tribune

CHICAGO – Late in October, after the launch of a new database detailing doctors financial ties with drug companies, Dr. Daniel Carlat sat at his computer and began searching for information about colleagues.

He found several doctors who had potentially compromising relationships with the pharmaceutical industry.

But he was surprised to find that several other physicians he considered very ethical people had received thousands of dollars in payments from pharmaceutical firms.

You dont want to use a very broad brush to characterize all the physicians listed in this database, said Carlat, an outspoken Massachusetts psychiatrist and frequent critic of his profession.

Some may be top-notch clinicians or researchers, while others may have questionable credentials.

How, then, should consumers interpret information they find in the new ProPublica database, the first to make extensive information about drug company payments to doctors easily accessible?

Here are things you should consider:

bull;Recognize that extensive research has found that small payments can sway doctors, even subconsciously, while influencing the medications they prescribe to patients.

Many doctors discredit the research; others say the evidence is clear and convincing.

All protestations to the contrary, the evidence shows that physicians are susceptible to influence, said Dr. Adriane Fugh-Berman, director of PharmedOut, a Georgetown University Medical Center project that educates doctors about how drug companies influence prescribing practices.

bull;Make sure the drugs youre taking are safe, effective and appropriate for the medical condition.

If your doctor has ties with a drug company, find out whether the medications youre taking are made by the same company.

If so, ask your physician about the drugs, why theyre right for you and whether equally effective, less expensive alternatives are available.

bull;Try not to adopt a confrontational posture that might put your doctor on the defensive. Ask open-ended questions such as, Can you tell me more about your relationship with Company X? or Can you give me more information about this medication? said Guy Chisolm, director of the conflict-of-interest program at the Cleveland Clinic, the first academic medical center to disclose physicians ties to the pharmaceutical industry on its Web site.

bull;Get a second opinion if you have any concerns about the therapies youre undergoing.

If what you learn about your doctor is making you anxious in any way, get an opinion from another expert, said David Rothman, president of the Institute on Medicine as a Profession and professor of social medicine at Columbia Universitys College of Physicians and Surgeons.

bull;Consider looking for another doctor if you get an angry response or the cold shoulder.

I dont think the fact that someone is making money from drug companies based on their expertise is necessarily a bad thing, but I dont think doctors should hide it either, said Dr. Walter Stadler, a professor of medicine and associate dean for clinical research at the University of Chicago Medical Center.

Doctors shouldnt be ashamed of what theyre doing, and maybe, if they are, they shouldnt be doing it.

bull;Try to put the information in perspective.

If you have a doctor whos given a talk or two, thats not worth losing sleep over, said Dr. Jerry Avorn, a professor at Harvard Medical School.

But if your doctor is making tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, thats a different story.

The ProPublica database (propublica.org/topic/ dollars-for-doctors) examines payments in 2009 and the first half of 2010 from drug companies to doctors for lectures, consulting or advisory services, and a few other types of activity.

Funding for research is not included.

ProPublica assembled the information from public reports posted online by Eli Lilly and Co., GlaxoSmithKline, Pfizer Inc., AstraZeneca, Merck amp; Co., Johnson amp; Johnson and Cephalon Inc.

All drug and medical-device companies will be required to publicly disclose payments to physicians by 2013 under new federal legislation.

Hundreds of thousands of people have looked at the information, according to ProPublica, an independent investigative news organization.

Michele Friedman, 42, of Chicago said shes curious about her doctor.

She said she plans to check the database.

I examine every possible source of information about a therapy or a drug before I decide on it, said Friedman, who is self-employed and pays for her own health insurance.

After all, its my health.

Like Friedman, most people want to know about physicians relationships with the drug industry, and many worry about the potential impact on the doctor-patient relationship, according to a new survey of 1,250 adults issued last week by Consumer Reports.

That report, based on phone interviews conducted in October, found that 77 percent of respondents said they would be very or somewhat concerned about the quality of their medical treatment if they learned their doctor received payments from pharmaceutical firms.

Seventy-four percent said they disapproved of physicians receiving such payments for promoting drugs to other doctors.

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Friday, November 19th, 2010 Relationships Comments Off

Teen: Long-distance relationships can work

after we had been dating for four months, Enea says. She is also considering attending college on the East Coast, but is still planning to continue the relationship when she goes to college. By then, we would have been together for almost two years, so wed have a really strong relationship, she says.

In 2007, Education-Portal.com surveyed 200 students in long-distance relationships. and found that such couples live an average of 125 miles apart

and visit each other about 1.5 times per month. Habeggar and her boyfriend spent almost a year living about 500 miles apart, but still saw each other about every month. Enea sees her boyfriend every week because its only about an hour drive from her home to Santa Clara University.

But for both couples, Skyping proved to be the main form of communication. Skype is a free online program that allows one to see the person he or she is talking to over the computer through a webcam. Habeggar used Skype to have skype dates in which she and her boyfriend would watch movies together over the computer. Those really helped a lot, she says. But Habeggar also says Skyping was bittersweet. I could see his smile and hear his laugh that I loved,

but I couldnt actually be with him, she says.

Skyping and the weekly visits helped Eneas relationship. Its not as bad as I thought it was going to be, she says. Enea was surprised how she has now become closer to her friends by spending more time with them at school instead of her boyfriend.

The fact that both of them changed as people is what surprised Habeggar about her relationship. But now, I know that you need to expect to change together, she says. You cant go into a relationship not expecting things to change. You would change as people even if you were attending the same school. The key is to change together.

Habeggar also says its important to stay optimistic, communicate and most of all trust each

other. Its easier said than done, but trust is whats going to make it happen.

The Life in Perspective board is made up of teens who write for TimeOut. Maria Herd is a senior at Benicia High School. Reach her at lip@bayeareanewsgroup.com.

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Thursday, November 18th, 2010 Relationships Comments Off

Analysis: Growth in banking relationships bolsters consumer economy

By all accounts, the latest G20 communique isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Despite the polite smiles, the Americans and the Chinese seem determined to see heir currencies devalued while everybody else is
left scratching their heads. At APEC, the hosts decided to save the money that’s usually spent on the funny shirts that mark the group photo of the attending leaders. Bruised in Seoul,
they had little to cheer over the weekend in Yokohama.

For Indonesia, the lack of common purpose isn’t as much of a concern as it is for most other countries. Similar to India in many ways, this mixed economy is now better equipped to ride any regional economic storms than it was a decade ago. Both countries have weathered the recent global financial crisis better than most other countries, staying out of it almost untouched. Perhaps the biggest single reason for that state of well-being is their large consumer economies. The buying and selling of goods and services of the people and by the people has kept both engines well oiled, ticking over rather nicely even in the worst of times. For a developing country, the high degree of self-reliance is now the strongest bulwark against the swinging tides of our globalized world.

In Indonesia, consumer confidence is being expressed over and over again, in both word and action. While the national index remains at the highest levels ever, the signs of strong consumer sentiment can be seen across a myriad industries. With the July-September update of Roy Morgan Single Source now in hand, industry updates in the following weeks will illustrate how each acts as a piston of the collective engine. To begin with, the financial services sector, Bank Indonesia, the country’s central bank has kept a reasonably steady hand on the wheel these last five years. Neither inflation nor the rupiah have run out of control, as in decades past. The pain we see when consumer prices go rocketing up at global and local levels, or when the effects of a fuel price hike cascade downwards, is not to be taken lightly. But each dip in recent years has seen a quick comeback in consumer confidence and consumer spending, every time.

While the economy grew, even as individual incomes climbed, the overwhelming majority of Indonesians continued to struggle with their usual burden day after day. Higher service fees and higher minimum balances saw millions leave their bank accounts dormant, virtually dead in their minds. Finally, the years of steady decline in the number of people with any banking relationship has not only been arrested, the signs of a turnaround are becoming visible. This may be seen as old news for those who misread the rapid growth in the number of bank accounts as an indicator of national health. They are the same people who mistakenly conclude that “accounts” reflect “individuals”, ignoring the growing number of multiple-account holders. They cannot see how absurd it is to believe that there were 80 million Indonesians who flew an airline last year, while the reality is a relatively affluent minority flying several “sectors” many times each year. When a journalist jumps to the wrong conclusion that there are 180 million Indonesians who are subscribers of cellular networks today, they start painting an unreal picture of the state of progress.

But the banking sector is always a good indicator of the country’s middle class, not just its wealthy few. At the quarter ending June the decline in the number of Indonesians with a bank account had plateaued. As at the end of September, the turnaround was easily visible. The number of people with ‘any banking relationship’ now stands at 20 percent of all Indonesians 18 years of age and older. Not only has ground lost over recent years been recovered, the numbers have hit an all-time high. Today, there are more than 25 million Indonesians with at least one banking relationship. As recently as March this year, only 17 percent of adult Indonesians had one. Not only have the number of accounts gone up, the number of actual account-holders are rapidly rising. Syariah banking is growing too, with Bank Mandiri in particular registering a commanding lead despite increased competition from old and new entrants alike.

Equally reassuring are other signs from the same industry. For example, the amounts in savings are growing too, across socio-economic strata, from the modest to the rich. Customer satisfaction is high, and getting better. Then there’s the concurrent growth in other financial products and services. While the number of people involved are still relatively small in comparison, the signs are good. For several years, the primary growth for the credit card business came from multiple relationships with the same affluent few. Banks chased the same people, stories of membership data available for sale, the sight of wallets strained with lots of plastic all became familiar everyday occurences. Now, the number of Indonesians with plastic cards, both credit and debit, is climbing again. 9 percent of adults have one already, but credit card penetration is still hovering at less than 2 percent.

The insurance sector is seeing rapid growth, but remains a nascent industry even today. While the number of accounts are growing, the number of new entrants remain small. Overall, penetration levels are still small, lingering at 1 percent. This is equally true with people who have ‘any investment’, also at 1 percent of adults. But loans are becoming increasingly popular, with 5 percent of the population now using one to advantage. The best news for the financial services industry is the reversal of the decline in active savings accounts. That augurs well for all Indonesians, not only those joining the banking fraternity for the first time.
These conclusions are based on Roy Morgan Single Source. In Indonesia, it is the country’s largest syndicated survey with over 25,000 respondents annually, projected to reflect almost 90 percent of the population over the age of 14. The insights are updated every 90 days.

The writer can be contacted at debnath.guharoy@roymorgan.com

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Wednesday, November 17th, 2010 Relationships Comments Off